Well….right now SlobberDog is huddled up on his bed, miserable and scratching.  Yes, his allergies have returned in full force and he is most unhappy at the moment.  But…..I have something fun to share with you!  Not too long ago, I was at a local pet store owned by the same people who own the University of Doglando (a favorite place around my house).  I noticed a flyer for the daycare on the counter and picked it up.  Do you recognize anyone?

To my surprise, the one and only SlobberDog was lucky enough to grace the ad for this awesome daycare! 

 So how did our resident Diva of Destruction feel about her brother’s newfound fame and fortune?

This is a bunch of crap. I'm the photogenic one around here!

Right now I’m a single girl.  A single girl with a bodyguard named SlobberDog. 

Ya that's me. What are you going to do about it?

I haven’t always been single.  When I got SlobberDog I was casually seeing a guy we’ll call Travis.  Travis tried really hard to show me what a dog lover he was, but I saw his gag reflex activate every time he got slimed. 

Then came Vin.  I dated him for a long time - 4 or 5 years.  When we met, he was a self-professed animal lover, but even he couldn’t handle the likes of SlobberDog.  Grady tried all the normal routes used for Getting Rid of Guys in Mom’s Life, like excessive drooling and flatulence on the pillow.  When Vin and I moved in together, Grady realized he needed to up the ante to make his point.  That’s when the swamp diving and hole digging began, followed up with numerous acts of destruction.  My favorite was when SlobberDog carefully selected a video from the media center and proceeded to crunch it to bits.  The video?  A rare documentary that cost Vin a $100 donation to some conservation center.  Another favorite was an early playdate, when Vin was still trying to impress me.  SlobberDog took one look at this novice running away from him, put his head down, and charged.  Right into the backs of Vin’s knees.  His legs flew right out from beneath him and he sailed through the air, landing on his back into a cartoon heap.  Oops.  Needless to say, it wasn’t long before Vin decided he really wasn’t that much of a dog lover and we parted ways.

You think I'm gonna stop, don't you? Go on thinking that until I run that no-good Mama stealing butt of yours over and slime you right in your gob!

After Vin, there was a short stint with a foreign boy who came from a country where dogs aren’t commonly kept as pets.  Poor boy tried, he really did, but he was no match for the Grad-meister.  He was gone after just a couple of months.

Whatchu gonna do about it, Tough Guy?

So here I am back at the drawing board.  I think this time my wish list for a man will include “no sense of smell” and “no personal belongings available for destruction.”

My Couch. My Rules.

SlobberDog’s Rules of Engagement

1. I come first.  I come second too.
2. She will always choose me over you.  I promise.
3. If you go in for a tender moment, expect a large slobbery head to pop up between the two of you at any time.
4. I sleep with Mama.  You sleep where there’s room (preferably not ours)
5. When I snore she thinks its cute.  When you snore, she kicks you out.
6. It might look like we’re playing, but we’re not.  Expect to be bowled over at any time.  I might seem clumsy, but I have deadly accuracy when necessary
7. Never let me see your weakness.  I will seize it and use it against you. 
8. If you’re trying to look cool, Don’t.  I will launch a goober into that bulls eye between your eyes.
9. If you try any funny business with my Mama, you will get my paw in your groin.  And she’ll be too busy laughing to save you when you collapse.
10. If you take my Mama away from me, I will take away everything you own.  You’ll come home from work to find a million pieces of it in your bed.  How do you like me now, huh?

If you have ever looked at this charming face and thought “I need one of those lovable lugs”  then you must read on.  Life with SlobberDog is not for the faint of heart – it takes a special breed of human to deal with these special creatures (just ask my ex….there’s a reason he’s my ex!)  So here are my Top Ten Tips for Surviving Life with SlobberDog.

1. Goober Rags are your friends.  Invest in them – LOTS of them!  Appropriate placement is key – so be sure to place one at each point of entry to the house, food bowl, water bowl, next to the bed, next to the computer, in the car.  Oh heck, just attach one to his collar with an elastic cord and you’re all set. 
2. Never white.  Or black, for that matter.  The only appropriate color for ANYTHING in a SlobberDog-friendly home is brown. 
3. Scrubbable everything.  Particularly the paint on your walls.  And never do microsuede (as in furniture) or silk (as in lampshades).  Not good.  Ever.
4. Agility and fitness (for you, silly, SlobberDogs don’t exercise!) are imperative.  Airborne goobers are even more dangerous than the shoestring variety, and you must be light on your feet to intercept them before they land on your TV, dinner, or expensive wall art.  In addition, never practice “heel”  with your SlobberDog.  The heel position is a risky place for you to walk as it is directly in the path of the inevitable flying goober.  Much better to walk behind your SlobberDog so you can be ready for that head shake and get out of the way when it happens!
   

   Hey! Why doesn't anyone wanna walk with me?

5. Observe SlobberDog’s Law:  The likelihood of an item being slimed increases exponentially with its dollar value.  In other words, you are about a billion times more likely to get slimed wearing Gucci than wearing Target.
6. Get ready for some “together time.”  All the time.  SlobberDog is your shadow; in the bathroom, in the kitchen, when you wake and when you sleep.  You’ll never be lonely with SlobberDog around.  Accept it and embrace it. 
   

   Looky here! I am giving you my best googly eyes! Pay attention!

7. Never, EVER pet a SlobberDog from below.  Anywhere beneath the pendulous folds of drool-storing lips is dangerous territory and you will most assuredly emerge covered in some variety of gooberlicious goodness.
8. Sleeping is optional.  You know how big SlobberDogs look when you see them on the street?  Well they seem to somehow grow bigger as soon as they step onto your bed.  And there is no place quite like the dead center of the bed for a SlobberDog to sleep.  What?  No dogs in the bed.  Ha!  You Novice…..And if you are a light sleeper, SlobberDog might not be right for you either.  Jet engines are quieter than a SlobberDog’s snore.  Consider yourself warned!
9. The backseat of your car is SlobberDog territory and therefore unsafe for humans.  I once lost a friend back there.  She got stuck to the seat and I haven’t seen her since. 
10. You’ll look forward to Slime Patrol days so you can once again see out your windows.  It may become a game to find the most unusually located goober of the week.  My winner thus far is a dried dangler hanging from my silk lampshade.  Quite fascinating, but it was recommended that I not photograph it for this blog, just in case you all don’t find it as intriguing as I do.

Most importantly, be prepared to lose your heart.  It is not possible to share your  life with a SlobberDog and not fall madly, stupidly, head-over-heels in love.  Just when you want to kill them, they look at you with those big, sad eyes and it’s over.  You sigh, and go back to your bucket of bleach water, and continue the never ending goober removal process.

Ok, I have a confession to make:  sometimes, I don’t like my dog very much.  Like last night.  Now, I know you all think he’s cute and charming and naughty in this adorable “Peck’s Bad Boy” sort of way.  But sometimes…..well quite frankly, sometimes I want to kill him.  Yesterday I was busy.  I worked and walked dogs and did housework.  My last task of the evening was to work on the planter in my front yard.  It was hot and I can’t let Grady out in the front because the neighbor’s gang of rogue Dachshunds tries to kill him if I do (that’s a story for another time).  So I went out and battled the power tools and the giant mosquitos on my own.  I finally finished up around 8, tired and ready for some dinner and relaxation.  I opened the door into the utility room and what did I find?

Cat Poop.  Lots of it.  All over the floor.  See, part of living with Hazel the Chow Hound and Grady the Connoisseur of Cat Poop means that the door to the utility room (home of clean kitty litter, dirty kitty litter, cat food, dog food, and generally all things tempting) stays shut at all times.  This lesson was learned (clearly not very well) after the Great Cat Poop Debacle of 2011 – again, another story for another time.  At least this one didn’t require a shovel. 

The most beautiful (do you sense the sarcasm here?) part of this whole tale is that my uber brilliant, AWFUL SlobberDog somehow managed to lock himself inside the utility room during this little escapade, thereby confirming his guilt.

Quiz question of the day – donuts to you if you get it right:  Is there anything in the world worse than dirty cat litter ground into tile grout?  ……..

…………YES!!!  It’s dog slobber mixed with dirty cat litter and flung onto the walls!   Needless to say, dinner was NOT at 8 and Grady and I are still not speaking.

Where was HazelNut while all this great fun was going on?  Check it out…

I swear I heard her chuckle at his idiocy.

This was posted on From The Horse’s Back last October, but it was too good to not revisit!  Hope you enjoy…

You might be wondering why Grady hasn’t made an appearance around here lately. G-man has been laying pretty low recently, feeling kind of grumpy and sorry for himself. I guess the ongoing battle with the allergies is wearing on all of us. Last Thursday, I took him to the barn with me for some fresh air. We pulled in, and I let him out of the car as I always do, and I headed into the barn to groom and saddle Tiny. Little did I know that it was Grady’s naughty alter ego SlobberDog that was along for the ride. Now Grady is usually no problem at the barn – he sticks close by and spends his time sniffing around and begging for treats from the other boarders. SlobberDog is a whole different story – you never know what he’s going to be up to! As I finished saddling Tiny, I realized that I hadn’t heard from Grady in a little while so I went to investigate. What do you think I found?

Caught in the act!

Umm....Are you sure you should be doing that?

You got it! Grady, up to his armpits in Emma’s trash that he had so carefully removed and spread around the yard (so sorry Emma!!). The worst part is this was the second time that week that he had done this. The first time, I blamed the neighborhood dogs because my sweet Grady doesn’t do bad things like this anymore! Yeah. Right. Well, I caught him red-handed. So what did I do? I snuck over to him on Tiny (yes, my dog was so immersed in the joys of last night’s dinner that he didn’t even notice the giant horse approaching him!), screamed at him (so sorry neighbors!!), and chased his butt back to the barn where he promptly got tied up. And I got to clean up trash for the second time in a week.

Fortunately for me, I haven’t seen SlobberDog since, and I’m OK with that. I was kind of growing fond of the good Grady. But I’m sure that naughty boy will be back….it’s just a matter of time.

THIS is my sweet dog!

Enjoy the Hop!

Today is Saturday and that means it’s time for the 2nd weekly Pet Blog Hop, hosted by Two Little Cavaliers, Nip and Bones, and Life With Dogs.  We had such a great time last week and couldn’t wait to join again!  Welcome to all you new visitors and thanks for dropping by.  If you like what you see, please subscribe!  (Grady feels a little sad that he doesn’t have many readers yet!)

This week, we have a special surprise to share with all of our new and old readers.  We can finally tell you all a little bit about our special new addition and Grady’s new sister, Hazel!  As some of you might know, 4.5 weeks ago I came across a skinny, frightened little dog on the side of the road.  I plopped her lovely little butt into my car and she came home with me.  The past month has been….interesting, to say the least.  She was quite obviously an outdoor dog, likely abused by a man (with a hose), and is extremely fearful.  Despite this she has a gentle, sweet demeanor and is quite possibly the best cuddler I’ve ever met!  The situation has been further complicated because I can’t keep her with me at the moment, she has exhibited erratic aggression towards G Dog at times, and she’s not completely housetrained.  Soo…..I haven’t talked much about her yet because I wasn’t sure if she was staying.  I’m still not, really, but we’re taking steps to make it happen.  She got spayed recently and has been hanging out with a good friend of mine while I work.  He’s a guy, so she’s quickly overcoming her fear of men!  She most always loves Grady now (how can you not?) and has learned to coexist with other dogs and cats quite nicely.  On Monday, she goes to foster care where she’ll spend the weekdays until I can take her home with me in August.  If she works out well there, she’s all ours!  If not…..well I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it.  In the meantime, here are some photos of her darling face….

Hope you enjoyed!  Please visit these great blogs at the Hop and join up if you have a pet blog!

Grady and I are pretty fortunate to live near some great dog friendly beaches.  Not long ago, we took a day trip to St. Augustine for some beachy fun….

We warmed up with a shoreline stroll

...then Grady went for a jog, which ended pretty quickly when the goobers started flying!

Wanna run some more?

I think that would be a resounding NO!

Afterwards, we headed to downtown St. Augustine for some lunch and a cool gelato.  Grady attracted admirers like ants to a picnic and he was basking in all the attention.

We took a rest after all the gelato and admiration before heading home.

We’re excited to be participating in the first Pet Blog Hop today! Check it out!

I have some fantastic news I want to share with all of you!  Things have been humming behind the scenes, while I’ve been working with the creators of The Foodie Blogroll to unveil something new and exciting to the pet blogging community.  That something is……..(drumroll please)……. Pets Blogroll, a brand new online community dedicated to bloggers that love their animals. 

You might be wondering, Why a pet network?  I have to tell you that I am really excited about this site and all it has to offer.  It’s a great way for all of us pet bloggers to stay connected and motivated to keep writing.  There are also many other benefits:

• Contests and Giveaways - There will be numerous cool prizes awarded to bloggers that join the network
• Browse for Blogs and Members in our easy to use search fields
• Meet and connect with other bloggers that love pets too
• Favorites allows you to save and follow your favorite blogs in one easy to use location
• Rate blogs and vote for your favorites

Joining the network is easy and fast and only requires the installation of a widget on your sidebar (and meeting a few basic criteria for pet blogs).  I truly hope that you will check the site out and consider joining the network! 

This site launched last month and we’ve already gotten great response from our new members.  So far we’ve already given away a copy of Susan Wilson’s book “One Good Dog” and there are other giveaways going on too!  In our first month, we’re already averaging 1,500 hits per day!!! Members’ traffic is increasing and people are making connections.  If you have a pet blog, please check it out!