…and the other one on a banana peel!  You guessed it!  It’s time for another edition of My Dog Ate What?!  It’s been a couple of weeks and the StinkDogs thought the blog was getting a little too dry, so they “dug up” some post ideas for me!

The other day I came home from work hot, tired, and generally cranky.  I admit that most days I don’t venture into the back yard much.  It’s too hot and sticky for lounging around outside right now, and when we go for walks we use the front door.  These days I enter the back yard mostly for poop pick up and watering plants (infrequently).   This is what I see when I look out my back door:

Nothing unusual, right?  Until this day.  I wandered around the bamboo to have a look at some of my plants and look what I found:

Yep, that would be a Hazel-sized hole in my planter bed.   If you look closely you will see that she came thisclose to destroying my irrigation system.  In which case, this post may have had a different ending.  I had my suspicions as to the guilty party, but when asked Hazel gladly copped to the destruction.

Once again, SlobberDog refused to be outdone.  When I came into the house after filling in Hazel’s grave, I found him in my bathroom closet eating a bar of honey almond soap.  Unfortunately for you, dear readers, there was nothing left to photograph.  Just a giant SlobberDog with a guilty look and a gob full of slimy bubbles. 

Why do they insist on ganging up on me?  And why do I never learn DON’T TRUST the StinkDogs…..Ever!

Ok, I have a confession to make:  sometimes, I don’t like my dog very much.  Like last night.  Now, I know you all think he’s cute and charming and naughty in this adorable “Peck’s Bad Boy” sort of way.  But sometimes…..well quite frankly, sometimes I want to kill him.  Yesterday I was busy.  I worked and walked dogs and did housework.  My last task of the evening was to work on the planter in my front yard.  It was hot and I can’t let Grady out in the front because the neighbor’s gang of rogue Dachshunds tries to kill him if I do (that’s a story for another time).  So I went out and battled the power tools and the giant mosquitos on my own.  I finally finished up around 8, tired and ready for some dinner and relaxation.  I opened the door into the utility room and what did I find?

Cat Poop.  Lots of it.  All over the floor.  See, part of living with Hazel the Chow Hound and Grady the Connoisseur of Cat Poop means that the door to the utility room (home of clean kitty litter, dirty kitty litter, cat food, dog food, and generally all things tempting) stays shut at all times.  This lesson was learned (clearly not very well) after the Great Cat Poop Debacle of 2011 – again, another story for another time.  At least this one didn’t require a shovel. 

The most beautiful (do you sense the sarcasm here?) part of this whole tale is that my uber brilliant, AWFUL SlobberDog somehow managed to lock himself inside the utility room during this little escapade, thereby confirming his guilt.

Quiz question of the day – donuts to you if you get it right:  Is there anything in the world worse than dirty cat litter ground into tile grout?  ……..

…………YES!!!  It’s dog slobber mixed with dirty cat litter and flung onto the walls!   Needless to say, dinner was NOT at 8 and Grady and I are still not speaking.

Where was HazelNut while all this great fun was going on?  Check it out…

I swear I heard her chuckle at his idiocy.

I didn’t realize that “My Dog Ate What?!” was going to be a daily post.  This is what I came home to today…

This used to be a pillow that was on my couch.

Guess who the culprit was.  At least this one didn’t involve a carpet cleaner or a shovel.  I can’t believe this is really what I’ve been reduced to.  As long as the cleanup doesn’t involve power tools, I’m grateful.

Guilty? Me? Nah...

Welcome to today’s edition of “My Dog Ate What?!”  Did I mention recently that Hurricane Hazel was down to a Category 2?  Well, there’s been a resurgence and she’s back in full force, folks.  Last night was not a good one.  I returned home from the barn at 8:30, exhausted but still needing to complete my list of tasks for the evening.  What did I find upon my return?  Two leaping, licking, happy, NAUGHTY dogs!  And this…

(what follows is a reenactment of actual events.  No additional library books were harmed in the making of this post)

Never mind those stains on the carpet. That's just from when Hazel decided to have tea with honey while I was at work. I haven't rented the carpet cleaner yet...

It’s never good when I come home and spot a little shred of blue plastic on the floor.  Especially not when it looks suspiciously like the packaging from the book the library JUST SENT ME 4 HOURS AGO!  My stomach dropped and I followed the trail of plastic down the hall and into the living room, where I found the skeletal remains of my library book.  See, Orange County has this nice little program where you go online and choose your books, and the library delivers them right to your door.  I like it because a) I’m lazy and don’t want to go to the library to actually LOOK for books and b) I get something in the mail that isn’t a bill.  So today I came home from work, grabbed the package from the doorstep, and put it on the kitchen counter which is where it stayed until SOMEONE saw fit to rip it to shreds.

Guess what? It's a bill now. A $30 bill to be exact. We'll call it a library donation. It hurts less that way.

Lest you think SlobberDog is innocent; fear not!  I have zero doubt that he had a hand in the dismemberment.  Although there was no slimy evidence to implicate him, I know that HazelNut is teaching him the art of being sneaky.  He was kind enough to oblige me a photograph of him with the evidence.

Red Rocket censored for your viewing pleasure.

Hazel, however, refused to be photographed with anything incriminating and was practicing evasive maneuvers.

"Woman, I REFUSE to sit there posing for photos with my failed attempts at mass destruction. What IS wrong with you?